What's a Holiday, Aizen?
by Emma Stargaze
Summary: Aizen's bored, and decides to bring human holidays to Heuco Mundo. This time he's brought Cinco de Mayo. What's this? He doesn't know anything about Cinco de Mayo? Then how can he celebrate it?
1. April Fools Day

_**Author Note: Yeah, I know it's not April Fools anymore. So yeah, this is a bit late. But I just had to get it out. And constructive criticism is loved.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach **_**' ****_- . - _**

_**Warning: OOCness, silliness, yaoi, and crack.**_

------------

Gin rolled over in his bed, grumbling at the sound of footsteps. "Nah yet. Tryin' ta sleep."

"I came all the way here to see you, and that's all you have to say to me?"

Eyes instantly flew open, moreso than usual. "R-Rangiku?" He rubbed away his blurry vision, sitting up. Nope, still Rangiku. "Whatcha doin' here? This a dream?"

She crossed her arms, accentuating her huge breasts. "Do I look like a dream?"

"No," he affirmed, "Yah don't. But why're ya here? _How_'re you here?"

"I have my ways," she said, quite vaguely. "As for why I'm here..." She crawled over him, pushing him down into the bed.

Gin gulped as he got an eyefull of her cleavage. Aizen wouldn't be happy... but his mouth refused to say anything discouraging. In fact, it had gone dry. He feared that speaking would only result in babbling, and by no means was going to risk that. She undid the first button on his night shirt. Never mind, he had to take a risk. "Ai-Aizen-sama won' be happy."

She raised a brow. "Are you planning on telling him?"

Gin hesitated. "Tha' yer in Las Noches."

"Mm hmm..."

Her mouth was on his, and at first he responded... the lips felt right, but the kiss felt _wrong_. He tried to push her away, gasping for breath. "W-waz wrong?" He had made sure to ask before she could.

"What're you talking about?"

_Must not be distracted by breasts... don't be distracted..._ "Ya kiss different then that one time."

Matsumoto scowled, getting up. "Fine. I'll be leaving then."

"Uh... wait... Not bad different... Jus'..." He paused as she reached the door, getting to his feet. "'ey, I didn' mean t'..." He wasn't good at apologizing, and he didn't want her to leave. What was he to do?

Rangiku turned to him. "You lost your chance, Gin." And then she disappeared out the door.

----------

Aizen was sitting in the monitor room, watching something specific while humming to himself. What a wonderful start to the day! He quickly changed the screen to something different as he saw Gin leave his room, still wearing his purple unicorn-and-butterfly pattern pajamas. And Aizen knew the first place the other man would go.

Indeed, the door to the monitor room was soon opening. Aizen turned to Gin, who froze upon seeing Aizen. "Good morning, Gin."

"Ah, y' too, Aizen-sama." His usually smiling mask looked strained. "Whatcha doin' up so early?"

Aizen hid his smirk. Surely Gin wanted the room to himself. "I heard something and it woke me up." It had just the effect the previous captain wanted. Gin's eyes opened slightly, only done when something worried or surprised him.

"Find out what it was?"

"No. Did you see anything unusual this morning?"

"Hmm? No, course not. Nothing." A pause as he averted his eyes. "Actually, yes."

Aizen inwardly grinned. So Gin was more obedient to Aizen than loyal to Matsumoto?

"Don' lemme eat sweets before bed again. Makes me have strange dreams."

"...like what?"

"Can't remember. Jus' know that they're weird."

Aizen sighed. "Gin. I've been watching the cameras all morning. Do you think I missed the display in your room earlier?"

"Display, Aizen-sama?"

"With Matsumoto Rangiku?"

Gin actually blushed, surprising his leader. "Y'see, tha' was..."

Aizen listened through a few minutes of incessant babbling before it became too much, laughter no longer allowing itself to be held back. He laughed even harder at Gin's look, which was worried confusion. "Gin, do you know what day it is?"

"Tuesday?"

"Actually Monday," Aizen corrected. "But what else?"

"The day the sereitei attacks?"

"No. It's April Fool's Day."

Silence. Then understanding. "Matsumoto wasn' here, an' that was yer sword's illusion?"

"Yes." More laughter.

Gin scowled. He hated it when he was on the receiving end of a joke. He crossed his arms childishly. "Tha' wasn' nice."

Aizen forced himself to calm down, handing Gin a paper. "Here. Prank someone and give this to them."

----------

Grimmjow scowled, punching the wall. He had snuck off to the human world to have a battle with Kurosaki, but three other shinigammi showed up. What's worse, they refused to let him get to Ichigo, which meant that the arrancar really had no reason to stay.

He hadn't even gotten to _sneer_ at the red head.

"Grimmjow?"

"_Yes_?" he demanded, glaring at the creepy fox-faced man, gritting his teeth. "What is it?"

"Ulquiorra killed Ichigo under Aizen's command. Just wanted t' tell you."

He could already feel his eyes widen, anger boiling up within him. "_He what!_" Pure rage filled his form, causing him to see red. Maybe, when Grimmjow had been catching the attention of all the shinigami in town, Ulquiorra had gone after Kurosaki! "He's dead!"

Oblivious to Ichimaru's snickering, Grimmjow flash stepped to the throne room. Ulquiorra spent his free time there, watching the Hyougyouku. Aizen had said he didn't have to, but Ulquiorra said _it was his pleasure_. Grimmjow sped up his pace at this thought. _That goody two shoes, prey stealing bastard!_

He caught sight of Ulquiorra instantly upon entering the throne room. A hand around a slender throat, he shoved the slighter arrancar against the wall. Ulquiorra showed brief surprise before it faded into that blank mask again.

"You." Grimmjow said it shortly.

"Take your hands off of me, trash."

Grimmjow growled. "You steal my prey, and that's all you've gotta say?"

Ulquiorra's expression hinted at a frown. "If Aizen-sama ordered me to do such, I would." He ignored the way the hand tightened around his throat, still not cutting off his airway. "However, he has yet to ask that of me."

Grimmjow paused. Ulquiorra wouldn't lie to him, would he? It made no sense. He would probably admit it with a smirk. _Well, maybe not a smirk... but he'd be smug._ "But... Ichimaru said..." His grasp fell, and Ulquiorra pushed past Grimmjow.

"Whatever he said, you must have misinterpreted."

For once Grimmjow was without a comeback. _Had_ he misinterpreted? He left the throne room, much slower than he had been when entering. As he turned the corner, Gin stopped before him. The sixth resisted the urge to cero the shinigami.

"Y'know how ta read?" Ichimaru questioned, innocently enough.

"What do I look like, and idiot?" Grimmjow realized his mistake, adding, "Don't answer that."

"Ah, ok, Grimmy-chan. This's from Aizen-sama." And he handed Grimmjow a piece of paper.

----------

Ulquiorra stared at the door, boredly. He didn't even mind that trash had touched him, because it had removed a moment of boredom. Normally he liked his job, but today he just _couldn't_.

Grimmjow entered again, and Ulquiorra took note of the blank mask on the other arrancar's face. This couldn't be good. He preffered angered Grimmjow, or even smug Grimmjow, to unreadable-Grimmjow.

He found himself against the wall once more, and wondered why he kept letting this happen. Shouldn't he have tried to dodge? _Why bother? Trash can't hurt me_.

"Ulquiorra, you know what you make me want to do to you?"

"I don't consider what goes through the mind of trash."

A frown, before it returned to the strangely-blank mask. "Well, you should."

Ulquiorra had no time to resist, eyes widening in shock as Grimmjow pressed their lips together. He tried to push away, thoughts hazy as Grimmjow sucked the fourth's lower lip into his mouth, nibbling gently. The slighter espada tried to push away, even as he responded to the kiss, eyes fluttering shut. His lip was released, and he could feel a tongue trying to enter his mouth. Unwittingly, he allowed it in, black nails digging into the wall.

He gasped for breath, shocked and feeling disappointed, when Grimmjow pulled away. Grimmjow stepped back, and Ulquiorra glared at the smug expression. He knew his hair was sticking up at odd angles, lips bruised, face stained red if the heat was any indicator. Grimmjow probably felt great to be able to do this to the fourth. "Why'd you do that, Grimmjow?" He had to know.

"What, you thought there was a real reason?" The teal-haired espada laughed, handing Ulquiorra a paper. "That's from Aizen. Read it and you'll understand."

----------

Ignoring golden eyes was hard for Nnoitra. Anyone who was being watched by a crazed scientist would feel perturbed, after all. He risked another glance at Szayel, checking to se if he was still watching. Eyes narrowed in confusion as Ulquiorra approached the scientist. He was standing only a few yards away, and could hear the conversation quite well.

"Aizen-sama has died. He expressed a wish for you to become the new king of Las Noches."

Nnoitra stared blankly at the fourth. Ulquiorra was never one to lie, or even joke around. But there was no way this could be true...

Szayel pushed his glasses further up his nose. "What's the catch?"

"You have to wear this." And Ulquiorra held out a pink tutu and a purple with pink polka dots leotard.

Nnoitra snorted. No one would wear that, even for-. He paused midthought as Szayel took it from Ulquiorra, smiling brightly. "This is all it takes? How'd you get one in my size?"

Poor Nnoitra covered his eyes, yelping, as Szayel started to undress. He peeked through his fingers, flushing but unable to look away...

Szayel was dressed surprisingly fast. "Great! Now I shall rule Las Noches! I knew Aizen-sama was smart. A scientist would make the best leader, out of all the espada!"

Ulquiorra handed over a crown that matched the leotard, except it had yellow rhine stones that matched Szayel's eyes.

"Perfect!" And that was put on as well. Within the blink of an eye, Ulquiorra had whipped out a camera, taken multiple pictures, and burnt Szayel's original outfit. Then he handed the eighth espada a piece of paper, without a word, disappearing with sonido.

Szayel gawked, wide eyed. "Was... was this all for black mail purposes? Ulquiorra, of all people?" He fell silent, reading the note in his hands. Nnoitra decided to get away from the scientist while he was distracted, making his way to the food court.

----------

Stark blurrily opened his eyes. He could've sworn he had felt a familiar reiatsu over him... And why was the table so _cold_? He looked down, spotting a mirror. Curious, he held it up to his face.

And frowned.

He had a goatee now. When he looked closer, he saw that the goatee was drawn with miniature cat drawings. He had a cat goatee. Someone was going to be hurting.

He paused in his musings as he spotted a paper.

----------

Tousen walked blindly down the hallway, still lost. He was going to kill Gin for rearranging the halls.

"Tousen-sama?"

Who was speaking to him? Was it someone willing to help him out of this infernal maze?

"Oh. You can only read braille. Never mind."

And he was left in silence once more, in a hall he was pretty sure was empty.

A pain ignited in his nose, something warm trailing down to his mouth, over, and dripping off his chin... He had run into a wall again.

_Damn you, Gin._

----------

Aizen clicked the buttons for different rooms around the castle, unable to find Nnoitra in any of the regular spots. Where was that espada?

Aizen was unsurprised to find the fifth espada in his room, on his bed, glaring holes at the wall. Aizen had seen Szayel's staring. He _was_ surprised when Stark entered the room, wide awake. Nnoitra had jumped at least two feet in the air, and appeared too confused to complain. It wasn't often the primera espada spoke to him, and he'd never showed up at his room.

Turning up the volume, the leader of Las Noches was just in time to hear the good part.

"Aizen-sama has ordered you to become Szayel's experiment."

Eyes widen in horrified shock. "Are you in this with Ulquiorra?"

"Ulquiorra? I haven't seen him yet today. But yeah, Aizen-sama will be mad if you aren't at Szayel's lab within five minutes."

The spoon-like arrancar stared shocked, gawking, before scowling. He got up, shaking with fear. Or at least that's what Aizen decided to call it.

"I won't do that!" And he exited his room. It was strange, because Aizen soon found a knocking on his door, Nnoitra bursting in without permission.

"Ah, Nnoitra. What brings you here?" Aizen made quick work of switching to a different camera on the monitor.

"Stark says you want me to be Szayel's _experiment_?"

Aizen smirked. "Is there a problem with his orders?"

Nnoitra's only visible eye twitched. "Did I do anything to upset you, Aizen-sama?"

"No, you did nothing wrong."

And Nnoitra sonido'd from the room. Aizen instantly switched the monitors to _follow _mode, then typed inNoiotra_,_ just remembering this mode's existance. And just in time to see Nnoitra crash into a... leotard, tutu, crown wearing Szayel? Today was going too good for Aizen.

Stark showed up in the middle of the started argument, calming it down by handing Nnoitra a paper. Said primera espada also disappeared really fast. Though not before Nnoitra finally noticed the drawn on goatee, snickering to himself.

----------

Nnoitra read over the paper. Shrugging, he figured, _Why not? _and went to look for a victim. And of course he had only one person in mind.

It took a while, but he finally managed to find her. The third espada, Halibel, was in the throne room, arms crossed as she stood by a wall. Her three fraccion were with her, babbling excitedly.

The chattering stopped once he approached, eyes cast on him. He was still trying to figure out what to do. Why had he come without a plan? _Thought one would jus' come t' me._

But words were soon spilling from his mouth, as if he _had_ planned.

"Hey, Halibel?"

"..."

"That outfit makes you look fat." There. That was definitely a joke.

He didn't see it coming, smacked so hard across the face that he flew into the wall on the opposite side of the room. He could feel something warm and sticky trail down his scalp, but forced himself to his feet. He sonido'd to Halibel, thrusting the note into her hand. "Here. From Aizen-sama." And got himself the hell out of there. _Insolent woman._

_----------_

Halibel looked over the note, then at the overhead clock. Two o'clock P.M. She had an hour till three. Saying a quick parting to her fraccion, she exited the throne room.

----------

Aizen had taken a break to eat lunch, but it had lasted longer than intended. Turned out Gin was feeling chatty today.

So, mere moments after he had returned to the monitor room, the only female espada walked in. "Halibel. What brings you here?"

"Aizen-sama," she greeted politely, voice as serious as ever. "I worry about Ulquiorra."

The shinigami frowned. What could his perfect, obedient, _flawless_ Ulquiorra do? "Why so?"

"He was biting his nails."

That was strange, yes, but... "And why is that worrisome?"

"He also swallowed them."

Aizen resisted the urge to shiver. _Gross_. How could Ulquiorra, of all his precious espada, do something so unhygienic? "You saw him do this?"

"Yes, Aizen-sama. And he was talking to himself, while mumbling about eating the other espada."

_Has he lost all self control? Am I going crazy? How could this happen to me? ME?_ "I... Thank you for reporting this to me. I'll call him to me immediately."

"And Aizen-sama."

"Yes, Halibel?"

"What time is it?"

"About two fifty five, why?"

She handed him the note and bolted.

Aizen looked at it, finding a smirk tug at his lips, relief at his heart. Thank Himself, Ulquiorra isn't doing such things.

"Now time to make my way to the throne room."

----------

Ulquiorra glanced at a randomly placed circular clock. It was almost three. Using sonido, he was in the throne room within seconds. He raised a brow upon seeing Szayel still in beyond-drag, Stark having drawn-on facial hair. This was indeed strange. Halibel looked a bit anxious, which was different. Nnoitra was on the opposite side of the room as Szayel, and Ulquiorra figured it was purposeful.

"Hey, Ulquiorra."

Said espada blinked, turning so he could see Grimmjow. He had missed the sixth in his examination of the room, somehow. "Yes?"

"Who'd you prank?"

Ulquiorra took a picture from his pocket, handing it to Grimmjow. The sexta instantly laughed. "This's awesome. How'd you trick him into this?"

"I told him Aizen-sama has died and wanted Szayel to be the new king, as long as he wore that."

Ulquiorra raised a brow as Grimmjow continued to laugh. Was there something wrong? All noise stopped as shinigami appeared out of nowhere, yet everywhere, all at once.

Stances were attained, battles begun, but the shinigami were impossible to defeat. Ulquiorra was merely fighting the defensive, confused as to what was happening. This made absolutely no sense.

Suddenly, the shinigami disappeared, a familiar voice filling the air. "April Fools." And then they saw the sweets all over. This time, it was for real.

Ulquiorra remembered the note in his head quite clearly, as he took a bite out of a surprisingly delicious chocolate chip cookie. Or at least that's what Grimmjow said it was, the sixth urging Ulquiorra to try many different things. He raised a brow when Grimmjow linked hands, but decided against pulling away. Even if his stomach did flutter strangely.

_If you get this, you have just been pranked. Take no offense, for this is part of a human holiday, called April Fool's. Go and prank one more person, and then give them this note. It can't be the person who pranked you, and you can't repeat what you've read on this paper. Meet in the throne room at three o'clock P.M for a surprise._

_--Aizen(-sama)_

_aka: the most awesome god ever to exist_

_-----------_

_**A.N. I'd appreciate Reviews! Remember, constructive criticism is loved! **_


	2. New Years Eve

**_Title: _New Years Eve + Las Noches = Insanity**

**_Rating: _T**

**Pairings(s): Grimm/Ulqui, Aizen/Gin, Szayel/Nnoitra, Orihime's hair/ Ichigo**

**Summary: Aizen decides to celebrate New Years Eve in Las Noches... and brings out the alcohol. **

**Warnings: Drinking, yaoi, crack**

* * *

When Ulquiorra woke up this morning, he was planning on a normal day. So, taking a shower, brushing his teeth, and getting dressed, he made his way to the throne room. And so far, it _was_ a normal day.

"Hey, Ulquiorra."

He looked over his shoulder at the annoying sexta espada. "Trash," he greeted in return, nonplussed by the threatening growl. "Do you have a reason for disturbing me?"

Grimmjow glared, turning around. "Fine, I won't tell you about it. Szayel told me to spread the word, but you'd probably hate it anyways." And he walked off in a huff.

It took all of Ulquiorra's self restraint to hold back from asking Grimmjow what he meant to say. Curiosity was a big weakness, which Ulquiorra suffered from. He hoped no one would ever find out.

* * *

Making his way to the monitor room, he bowed before his leader. "Aizen-sama."

"Ulquiorra," Aizen said breezily. "You are free for the day."

He looked up sharply, eyes trying to figure this out. Seeing no change in decision within brown eyes, Ulquiorra left the room in confusion. He was going to enter the throne room, raising a brow at finding it locked. Curiosity once more ate at him, and he once more pushed it away. But the curiosity seemed to be piling up.

* * *

The day went by slowly, no one in sight. It was as if Ulquiorra was in an empty castle. It was unnerving, though he'd never admit it aloud.

It was getting late, around the time they usually slept, and he made his way back to his bedchamber. Today had been the most boring, uneventful one in his entire life.

"Ulquiorra!"

Jumping in uncharacteristic shock, for he had been by himself in quiet solitude for the last ten hours, he turned to face the sexta espada. "Yes?"

"Come with me." The blue-haired arrancar looked annoyed as he said it.

Curiosity once more taking ahold, Ulquiorra decided to go with the lower-ranked espada. What was the worst that could happen?

Surprisingly, the fourth was led to the throne room. After knocking and shouting on Grimmjow's part, it was opened. Grimmjow shoved Ulquiorra in, following after and shutting the door.

At first all Ulquiorra saw was the floor, since he had, for once, fallen on his hands and knees. Annoyed, he quickly got to his feet, examining his surroundings with more curiosity building up. The light was dimmed, a giant ball reflecting colors throughout the room. On tables were bottles of... something. They were in different colors, too. Red, white, clear. Most were indistinguishable because the bottle wasn't clear. Weird sound was being played, which Grimmjow said was 'music', whatever that meant.

He leaned against a wall, taking in his gleeful, chattering comrades. Grimmjow was arguing about something with Nnoitra. Szayel was standing a bit _too_ close to Nnoitra. Halibel was chatting lowly with Stark. Yammy was passing around drinks. And Aizen-sama was merely chatting with Gin and Tousen, though more Gin. In fact, he seemed to be shunning Tousen.

Deciding to let this go, ignoring all the other arrancar entirely, he slid down the wall until he was sitting. An odd feeling entered him, as he watched everyone talk, he himself alone. What was it?

_Loneliness? Jealousy? Definitely nothing positive. _He felt like an outcast. Why did they make him go, anyways? What was the point of this?

"Hey, stop being emo and get up."

Surprised, he looked up into teal eyes. "I wasn't being 'emo'."

"'course you weren't. Try this."

Ulquiorra accepted the bottle gingerly, unsure of whether he should drink it or not.

"And it's not drugged," Grimmjow continued, as if he could read Ulquiorra's mind.

It burnt as it went down, and Ulquiorra wondered to the purpose. "What does it do?"

"Just continue drinking," Nnoitra said, appearing out of no where. "Trust me on this one. You of all people need it."

It was an hour later, and Ulquiorra had tried to refuse drinks. But Aizen had told Ulquiorra it was necessary. So the poor, confused espada accepted all the drinks handed to him. Too his horror, he found his mind getting fuzzy. But his worries were hard to concentrate on through the blurr. And suddenly everything was different. His clothes were constricting. His stoic expression was boring.

So he allowed Grimmjow to pull him to said sixth's group, made up of Nnoitra and Szayel. Ulquiorra, even through his haze, was confused as the two connected at the lips. Was that some kind of power exchange? Did it make one stronger? _Of course it does_, his drunken mind answered. _I wanna be stronger... _Looking around, he grabbed the first person he could find.

"Grimmjow," he said, barely managing to keep himself from slurring. "Power exchange?"

"'The hell, Schiffer?" Grimmjow replied, and Ulquiorra wondered why the teal-haired espada was so sane compared to everyone else at the moment. Ulquiorra tried to gesture to Szayel and Nnoitra, sluggish limbs getting the point across. He ignored the smirk now tugging at Grimmjow's lips. "Oh, yeah. _Power exchange_."

Ulquiorra's world spun, back soon hitting something solid. A wall, perhaps? Teal eyes burnt into his own green, and he found himself leaning in, closing his eyes as soft lips met his. A tongue snaked its way into his mouth, twisting, causing a shiver to go down the fourths spine. _Is this what it feels like to get stronger? I want to get even stronger!_ So he pressed his lips harder against Grimmjow's, groaning at the pleasurable tingles traveling through his form.

A loud voice caused them to pull back, Ulquiorra trying his hardest to concentrate on Aizen's voice. He wanted more of this power exchange thing. It was enthralling and incredibly pleasant.

"It is time for a game! Everyone sit in a circle!"

The people more tolerant to alcohol were trying to gather up everyone else, the circle looking more like a triangle. Ulquiorra sat between Grimmjow and Szayel, the latter nearly in Nnoitra's lap. Was that part of the power exchange process as well?

"We're playing 'I've never'," Aizen said, giddily, smiling brightly for once. "You say something you've never done, and if anyone else has done it, they drink some alcohol, which Yammy will pass out! We go clockwise, and I start first!" Taking a deep breath, seeming excited, Aizen continued, "I've never lost a limb."

It took a few moments for everyone to process the words. Grimmjow grumbled as he took a drink, something about Tousen being a bastard. Ulquiorra yanked the bottle out of the Sexta's hand, taking a sip of the weird drink before handing it to Szayel. Aaranario also took a sip, as did Yammy.

It was Gin's turn. "I've never cried."

Ulquiorra reached for the bottle, mind fuzzy. "I have. Gimme!" After taking a drink, he handed it to Grimmjow. "You too!"

"I haven't cried!"

"Have too!"

Grimmjow passed the bottle to Szayel without taking a drink, the eighth saying something about a tear-inducing potion being mixed up with his water.

"You didn't drink it..." Ulquiorra said, staring at Grimmjow in horror-filled surprise. "You _didn't_ drink it!"

"That's cuz I didn't cry."

"You _have_!" Ulquiorra said, desperately, tears forming in his eyes. "You must've, Grimmy!" The last sip of alcohol had thrown him slightly over the edge...

"Shut up! It's Halibel's turn!"

Ulquiorra sniffled at being told to shut up, but didn't speak further.

"I've never worn make up."

The bottle was instantly handed around. This time Grimmjow did drink from it, Ulquiorra looking pointedly at the greenish markings on the corners of Grimmjow's eyes. He took the bottle next, feeling dizzy, before handing it to Szayel. The scientist muttered something about not needing makeup with chemicals that make his skin perfect, handing it off to Aizen. The man surprisingly took a drink.

"I've never," Nnoitra said, dazedly, trying to think. "Um... I've never gone a day without cussing within memory."

Everyone except Tousen took a drink, surprising many.

"Tousen cusses every day?" Yammy asked. As the one busy passing out the alcohol, he was the most sober.

"I'm ashamed of you, Tousen," Aizen said, narrowing blurry eyes. "All three of you." Huffing, he ordered the next person to go.

"I've never," Szayel started, "kissed another guy."

Everyone just stared, question marks appearing in the air.

"I'm a guy!" Nnoitra finally exclaimed, drunken mind catching up with him. "Ya kissed me!"

"Noooo," Szayel argued, shaking his head. "I've never kissed a guy!"

"...idiot," Nnoitra muttered.

Grimmjow took a drink, handing it to Ulquiorra, who instantly shook his head. "I've never kissed a guy either!"

"..." Grimmjow seemed to give in, Aizen taking the bottle and drinking, before handing it to Gin.

It was Stark's turn, most eyes on him. "I've nev-." He promptly fell to the ground, breathing even. He had fallen asleep.

"'Nough with this borin' game," Nnoitra grumbled, getting to his feet. Szayel, who had been on spoon-man's lap, ended up falling on his face.

"_Owwww_...." He groaned again when Nnoitra kicked him with a demand to get up. "Don' wanna."

Ulquiorra got to his feet, the world swaying slightly. "Grimmy... world's blurry."

The less drunk arrancar wrapped an arm around Ulquiorra's waist to steady him. "Yeah, it is."

"Grimmy, what's a kiss?" He looked up at Grimmjow curiously, unaware of the effect his big, green eyes had on the sixth.

"This." Grimmjow pressed his lips to Ulquiorra, who weakly pushed the older espada away. "No, that's a power exchange! Get it right!"

"Power exchange?" a confused Grimmjow replied. "No wonder humans do it!"

"Oh, I know!" Ulquiorra spun around as he said this, only to fall to the ground, landing on his back. He merely grinned uncharacteristically. "We must save the Hime!"

"The what?"

Ulquiorra gasped, getting to his feet, hands bunched in Grimmjow's jacket. "The _Hime_ Grimmy-cat! She's like that Rapunzel! Save the hair, save the Hime!" He linked hands with Grimmjow running out of the throne room while screaming, "_Weeeee_! Run with me, Grimmy-cat! We must save the Hime's hair!"

* * *

Orihime lay on her back upon her bed, incredibly bored. Life here was so... lifeless. Ulquiorra would listen to her babble, but had little to offer to the conversations himself. So she was stuck with just her thoughts.

_I wish something exciting would happen._

She jumped, blinking as she saw the door open. "Ulquiorra-san," she greeted, confused when a man she recognized as Grimmjow follow Ulquiorra in. "What's going on?"

"The Hime!" Ulquiorra shouted, eyes lit up. "We have found her!"

Orihime squeeked as she was lifted into surprisingly strong arms, wrapping her own arms around a pale neck to keep from falling. "Ulquiorra-san... what's going on?" She noticed his speech was slightly slurred.

"No! We save the hair, we save the Hime!" Ulquiorra shouted, voice nearly deafening her. She cringed, his drunken eyes missing the action. But Grimmjow seemed to see.

"Ulqui," Grimmjow scolded. "You're hurting her ears! Then how will she communicate with her hair?"

"My... hair?" she repeated. Maybe they meant her hair _pins_. But still, that didn't explain why Ulquiorra was still holding her.

"Don't worry, Hime! We'll rescue you! Hime, Hime, let down your hair!"

Orihime screamed as he sonido'd out of the room, completely clueless to what was happening. She only knew that Grimmjow was following for some reason, complaining about wanting a part in saving 'the Hime'.

She yelped as she was suddenly dropped, hitting the ground hard. The distance was short, so the pain wasn't too bad. Ulquiorra ripped a hole in midair, a gargantum if she was correct. "What's going on?"

Grimmjow picked her up this time, grinning widely. "Hah! I get part in saving the Hime too!" Tugging lightly on orange strands, he added, "And her hair!"

"Are you... are you taking me home?"

Ulquiorra gasped, and she hoped she hadn't made them realize that they were probably breaking a billion rules. But it seemed that wasn't the case. "Hime doesn't trust me! Her own prince charming!" Tears formed in his eyes, as he buried his face in Grimmjow's shoulder. "Grimmy-chan, she _haaatttess_ meeee!"

"Um... no! No I don't!" she quickly exclaimed, both feeling guilty and not wanting to miss her chance to go home.

He looked up, sniffing. "Really?"

"Really."

A smile lit his face. "OK! Let's save the Hime!" And he walked through the gargantum, Grimmjow, still carrying Orihime, following after. She was surprised to soon find herself outside of Kurosaki's house. Ulquiorra knocked, screaming, "Open up! We've got a suurpr_iiii_se!"

* * *

Ichigo groaned as knocking sounded. His sisters and father had gone to some father-daughter school thing. It was New Years Eve, and all his friends had left to celebrate at the soul society. Well, not all. Keigo was throwing a party. But Ichigo refused to go there and be tainted by pornographic videos.

A voice sounded from the other side of the door, eerily familiar, yet so very different. Sighing, he threw the door open. "Grimmjow? Ulquiorra?" he murmured, annoyed beyond all belief. "Did you have to pick today to come? I'm trying to brood!"

"We bring you a present!" Ulquiorra announced.

Ichigo raised a brow at the big smile. "Crack? No thanks. I'll just ask my dad if I want any of that."

Ulquiorra shook his head wildly. "No, Strawberry-chan! We bring you the Hime!"

"The... what?" he was too curious to be angered about being called a strawberry.

Grimmjow stepped up, baring Orihime to Ichigo's view. "We figured," Grimmjow started, "That your hair could communicate with hers! Since it's the same color!"

"We diiid?" Ulquiorra scratched his head. "Oh _yeaaaah_! No, wait..."

"Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime exclaimed, grey eyes lighting up. "It's really you!"

Ulquiorra grinned, tears forming in his eyes. "We have finally created a connection between Hime hair and Strawberry hair! Give the Hime to the one who may allow her hair to speak its mind, Grimmy-cat! Give her!"

Grimmjow hurriedly did as told, nearly dropping her. She instantly latched onto Ichigo, he set her down on her feet behind him. "What's the catch?"

"Idiot!" Grimmjow exclaimed, punching Ichigo so he flew across the room. "You were supposed to catch the Hime hair!" Turning to Ulquiorra with a huff, linking hands, he said, "C'mon, Ulqui! Let's get away from this hair dropper!"

"But the Hime needs me!" Ulquiorra exclaimed. "Don't leaaave her here without me!"

Ichigo watched with perplexion as Grimmjow dragged off a begging, crying Ulquiorra. He looked back at Orihime, smiling gently. "I can't believe they just handed you back."

* * *

Aizen sighed with joy as he leaned up against Gin, oblivious to the disgusted expression on the man's face.

"I love you, Gin. Do you love me?"

"Um... sure, Aizen-sama." Gin had a very high alcohol tolerance. He was slurring slightly, but could think mostly coherently.

"Aizen-samaaaaa!" Ulquiorra sang, breaking through to the leader. "We saved the Hime!"

"You what?" Aizen questioned, confused.

"We _saved_ the Hime." Grimmjow had answered this time. "And her hair! Like in that story you told us at that one meeting!"

"Rapunzel?" Aizen repeated, trying hard to remember.

"Yep!" both arrancar chirped at the same time.

"You saved a Hime?"

Ulquiorra clapped his hands joyously. "_The_ Hime!"

"That's excellent! You are a true hero, Ulquiorra!"

"What about me?" Grimmjow demanded, tears forming in blue orbs.

"You helped as well?" Aizen questioned. At getting a definitive nod, he continued, "You are a hero too, Grimmy!"

* * *

Ulquiorra blurrily opened his eyes, trying to sit up. A horrible head ache caused him to lay back down. After a few moments, he realized he was beside something... hard and warm. He narrowed his eyes upon seeing blue. "Grimmjow?"Why was he cuddled up to the sexta espada? And... naked? The memories of last night came back in a blurry haze, though enough for him to know what he had done the night before. He had _returned _Inoue Orihime.

Even worse, he had... with Grimmjow, he'd.... A hand gripped the back of his head, and he found himself pulled into a kiss. Horrified thoughts melted away.

So maybe the Soul Society had no real reason to go to Las Noches now, and divide their army so Karakura town is easier to defeat...

But he found it impossible to concentrate on that at the moment, a main thought being, _Grimmjow purrs in his sleep...?_

* * *

**_A.N: Reviews are nice, and appreciated!_**


	3. Cinco de Mayo

**Summary: **_Aizen hears Ulquiorra say something in Spanish and decides to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. Too bad he doesn't know a single thing about the holiday._

**Rating: **_T_

**Pairing(s):** _Implied: GrimmUlqui, SzayelNnoitra (see a pattern?)_

**Warning(s):**_ Slight yaoi/cursing, crack_

---

"The definition of ceiling is: a thing that is below a roof. The definition of roof is..."

Szayel was wondering if Stark had the right idea, the primera espada sleeping beside him. Aizen's meetings got more and more boring with every passing day. _And his definitions aren't very good, either_. Though they were admittedly better than yesterday, when Aizen had compared the espada to fish. _"We are like a school of fish. The definition of school is a group of fish that swim together. Like fish, we are hunted, except by shinigami instead of humans. But we are more like sharks, because we can fight back. A shark is a four legged mammal that bites its legs off at birth..." _

Szayel looked around the room, trying to keep awake. Ulquiorra, he figured, would be the best bet on finding a way to stay awake. The cuarta never fell asleep at meetings. So he looked over to Ulquiorra's regular spot.

The fourth had his head resting on his arms, green eyes hidden beneath pale lids. A sure sign that all hope was lost in staying awake. Drool was gathering on the table. Grimmjow was making a face, scooting his chair farther and farther away as the drool continued to collect, and get closer to him, soon practically sitting on Halibel. If he got any closer... Ah, too late. Halibel had punched Grimmjow square in the jaw, the sexta falling face first in the drool. His yelp of both surprise, and then horror, seemed to wake Ulquiorra, who sat bolt upright while screaming, "Grimmjow's mine!" in spanish.

The scientist pulled out a notebook, taking notes on the situation. Currently everyone had fallen silent, Ulquiorra's face heating up. Grimmjow was so taken aback, he seemed oblivious that he still had drool on his face. And Halibel was back to looking as bored as can be.

But Aizen had finally shut up.

"Ulquiorra..." Never mind, Szayel had spoken too soon. _I should know better than to be so optimistic._ "You speak Spanish?"

"..." The ebony-haired male was clearly trying to regain his composure, face stoic, but unable to fully rid himself of that adorable blush. _I only said adorable because its a fact... That's all._ "Yes, I do, Aizen-sama. As do all the other espada and most arrancar."

"So _that's_ why everything seems to have a Spanish and Japanese meaning, and this place is called Las Noches."

"But Aizen-sama!" Yammy said, trying hard to get his word in, "You _taught_ us spanish, and named this place yourself!"

_Who knew Yammy has a brain? Must write that down._ He cast his gaze to the other head ex-shinigami. Gin's smile seemed even wider than usual. A sure sign he was about to say something in an attempt to get fun out of his supposedly-brilliant leader.

"Bu' Aizen-sama, tomorrow's Cinco de Mayo."

"Mexican independent day?" Aizen replied, wide eyed. "We must celebrate!"

"No, Mexican independent day is September-"

"Quiet, Gin. You are interrupting my brain juices." Aizen went silent for a moment, only to smile widely. For some reason he was under the illusion that his expressions were as unreadable as Ulquiorra's. An arrancar had stated that they weren't once, and was never again heard from, or even of. "Tomorrow we shall have a meeting at noon, so come prepared!"

_Prepared for a meeting? Does that mean I can bring ear plugs? Or maybe I should get an iPod, like Nnoitra._

"But before we end today's meeting, I must define more words for you. Intelligence is the best weapon, after all. The definition of intelligence is..."

---

Nnoitra woke up with an itch to kill something. He usually settled for the first thing that entered his room, such as an arrancar trying to deliver a message. Only after he heard the message, of course. He loved the look of fear in their eyes as they wondered if their insignificant existance would soon be ended.

The sound of the door flying open brought a grin to his face. _Something to kill_. His expression of joy fell when he saw that it was Szayel. Him killing Szayel was like a five year old trying to catch a poisonous, vicious snake. The likeliness of being injected with poison was high. And maybe he liked having Szayel around, but that was beside the point.

"Whatcha doin' here? Don'tcha know I wanna kill somethin'?" Nnoitra had never been very observant, so he didn't know how his words effected Szayel. Hopefully not in an I-want-revenge way. _I don't wanna wake up as a frog again..._

"You were supposed to be awake at eight A.M, like the rest of us. We have a meeting at noon, remember?"

"...So?"

Szayel rolled golden eyes. "So, it is currently eleven fifty in the morning. You have ten minutes to get dressed and into your seat."

_Get dressed?_ "I am dressed, Szayel. You blind, or just imagining me naked?" Nnoitra _thought_ he heard Szayel sigh, but wasn't quite sure. He was still bad at reading body language and figuring out a person's emotions.

"You're supposed to change your clothes every day. You can get ill if you don't."

"Haven't yet." At the pointed look, and a flashback of being put in a fish tank by Ulquiorra when turned into a frog, Nnoitra grumbled his agreement. Not like it was too bad being cared by the fourth. He was a surprisingly good pet owner. Luckily Szayel had found Nnoitra and changed him back before Ulquiorra had finished putting on lipstick, muttering something about turning Nnoitra into a prince...

---

"So," Grimmjow said, trying to strike up a conversation with a certain stoic arrancar, "Fight anyone interesting lately?"

"..."

_Silence... but a dragged on silence with a look. That means I'm getting through._ "Right... Cool missions you'd like to share, since you have so many?"

"I don't wish to be late to the meeting," Ulquiorra replied, simply, not looking back this time, entering through the meeting door a moment later. Grimmjow didn't know what had happened, but Ulquiorra had gone stock still upon entering. And was that a... lei, if he remembered correctly, being placed around Ulquiorra's neck? The green eyed, ebony-haired espada had a pink-flowered lei. What did he need that for?

Shrugging it off, Grimmjow entered, only to find a purple-flowers lei thrown over his head. He looked around for who he had to kill, feeling his anger rise at seeing Aizen. Great. How was he supposed to kill his leader? He went to take it off, only to stop in the process when said leader spoke.

"Grimmjow, what have I told you about disobeying?"

"Whad'ya mean?" he demanded. "Why the hell do I have to wear this?"

Aizen gasped, quickly forcing on a stoic expression, aka: his constipated look. "It's for Cinco de Mayo!"

"...which is a Mexican holiday..."

"Exactly!"

"But leis are Hawaiian..."

"Exactly!"

Giving up, Grimmjow went and took a seat beside Ulquiorra. He had been planning on sitting _across _from Ulquiorra today, to avoid drool in case of another boring day, but Szayel had taken that seat. At least Stark was on his other side instead of Halibel... Or did Stark drool too? _I'm cursed to be drooled on..._

"So!" Aizen shouted, getting the espadas' attention. "Today is Cinco de Mayo, and I decided I should celebrate it to honor my beloved arrancar."

"But Aizen-sama!" Yammy shouted. Grimmjow raised a brow at this, as it felt strangely like deja vu. Maybe Yammy just didn't have any original way to start a sentence? "Only ten of your arrancar are here." _Is he trying to get Aizen to kill him?_

As expected, Aizen's eyes had narrowed to slits. But he quickly replaced it with a look of consti- um, stoicness. _Nah, I'll call it constipation if I want. My mind, right?_

Surprisingly, Aizen calmed down quite soon. "I don't know what you're talking about." Taking a deep breath, as if that would make everything better, he continued, "To start off this wonderful holiday, I have given you all leis."

This time everyone was smart enough to keep silent, allowing Aizen to ramble on.

"So, next we have a pinata!"

Szayel put a cricket on the table, which soon began to chirp. Aizen increased his spiritual pressure until it crushed the bug dead, only releasing it once he was satisfied with the crunch sound. Many shivers spread throughout the room.

Szayel took out another cricket... and another... The process repeated until Szayel seemed to have run out of crickets. Everyone was praising whatever powerful force they believed in at that moment.

"Now, as I was saying, we have a pinata," Aizen said, "So I would like Yammy to go first, since it should be ten to one, to give everyone a chance."

A human-shaped pinata with what appeared to be orange hair hung from the ceiling, wearing a shinigami outfit and having brown eyes. Gin held the string to lower and raise it.

_At least he has the culture this time..._

It took a while, but Tousen had finally managed to blindfold Yammy, yet was still hitting Aizen with the bat and demanding 'Yammy' to take it. The poor leader was covering his face, complaining about Tousen being a double traitor.

Finally Gin just took the bat and handed it to the blindfolded Yammy, who instantly took a swing... hitting a wall, and causing part of the ceiling to cave in. Szayel had quickly sonido'd from his spot, barely avoiding being crushed. Arranario hadn't been so lucky, his weird jar breaking and both heads being squished.

On the third hit, Yammy caused the pinata to explode, candy flying everywhere.

Grimmjow watched Ulquiorra with curiosity. Green eyes had suddenly gone wide as candy flew through the air, whole form perking up. "Can... can I have some candy, Aizen-sama?"

"Of course. Just make sure to share." Aizen said this while holding an icepack to his black eye, caused by Tousen's earlier beating.

And then Ulquiorra suddenly had an armful of candy, as if he hadn't even moved and the candy had come to him. He shoved a lollypop in his mouth, only to quickly spit it out. "This tastes vial."

_Am I really going to help him?_ The answer came with ease, as he saw the way Ulquiorra stared at the candy. Eyes were wide with hurt, as if the candy had offended him with its lack of deliciousness. "Here, hand me something and I'll help." When Ulquiorra picked up the lollypop, Grimmjow quickly shook his head. "Something you haven't sucked on."

"But I want this one..." Ulquiorra's eyes hinted sadness. "Just look at it." And it _was _a pretty cool lollypop, with a clear wrapper revealing a swirl of colors, a few words on the stick revealing it to be a multitude of flavors.

Sighing and wondering why everything to do with Ulquiorra seemed to deal with Grimmjow touching his superior's saliva, he took the lollypop. "Just unwrap it, like this." Ulquiorra watched with childlike curiosity, eyes widened as if to better observe. Taking the lollypop from Grimmjow and refusing the still-wet wrapper, he stuck the lollypop in his mouth. Emerald orbs fell shut in what could only be ecstasy, a light moan escaping pale lips.

_Who knew candy could be so sexy?_ But Ulquiorra had soon taken it from his mouth. And was... offering it to Grimmjow?

"Ah... no thanks. It's yours." _You already sucked on it, moron. _But it was offered again, with silently pleading eyes. Grimmjow still shook his head.

"I want to share with you," Ulquiorra said, the lollypop now too close to Grimmjow for him to even see it properly. "You don't have any candy, and this is really good."

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, annoyed at how touched he was at Ulquiorra's kind action, he grudgingly stuck the lollypop in his mouth. _Better than sharing with Jiruga. I don't even think he knows the definition of a toothbrush. _The candy was surprisingly good, causng him to unwilingly emmit a sound expressing his delight. It _was_ delicious.

And gone.

Opening eyes he hadn't realized he'd closed, he wondered where such a delectable treat had disappeared to. He couldn't have eaten it already, right? He didn't have to wonder for long, seeing a stick protruding from black and white lips. "Hey. Thought we were sharing."

"We were," Ulquiorra said, except it came out more muffled around the lollypop. Apparently he didn't even want to take it out to speak. "And now we're not."

"What?" He went to reach for the lollypop, only for Ulquiorra to sonido out of reach, the rest of the candy on the table. Grumbling, he searched through the pile, managing to find one. He unwrapped it, stuck it in his mouth...

_Why the hell doesn't it taste as good as the other one? _Oblivious to the fact that his current one was only rainbow colored, not multiflavored, he came to a false realization. _It only tastes good cause Ulquiorra sucked on it first! Maybe I should sit by him during boring meetings more often. No, that's gross. But still, I must get that lollypop back. _

---

Szayel eyed the soda labled Garana, the 'r' supposedly pronounced as a d, with confusion. Everything was in portuguese... "Aizen-sama, this is not appropriate for Cinco de Mayo."

"It is," Aizen argued. "Now stop arguing with me. I obviously know more about the human world than you."

"..." The soda tasted good, at least. Aizen soon passed out pizza, claiming that it was a Cinco de Mayo tradition older than time.

_Is our leader an idiot? Holidays weren't even around since the beginning of time, and pizza is Italian..._

He raised a brow at Ulquiorra and Grimmjow fighting over something too small to see from this distance. Holidays in Las Noches were definitely interesting, to say the least.

_At least we don't have to listen to anymore definitions..._

"Oh! It's learning time!"

Was the universe against him or something? Szayel cursed his luck. He stalked up to Nnoitra, pulling out one of the earbuds and placing it in his own ear. Nnoitra seemed uncaring of the action, and Szayel wondered if his superior had even noticed.

---

**A.N: **_Please **review**. Please? It'd make me happy. Even better... It'd make me write **more** holiday fics! Which is a good thing, right? ((crosses fingers hopefully))_

_--_


	4. Easter

**Holiday**: _Easter_

**Disclaimer**:_ I do not own Bleach, at all. If I did, the show would be a tad bit different... And more crackish. So thank the heavens I don't_

**Warnings**:_ m/m, possible hints of m/f, crackishness, possibility of Stockholm Syndrome, confusion over what certain cat traits. _

**Pairings**: _UlquiGrimm, SzayNnoitra, hints of AizGin_

* * *

Orihime wrung her hands behind her back. "Well.. yes. Everyone's been so kind to me, and I wanted to pay them back."

She felt her anxiousness return tenfold when Aizen's eyebrows twitched, though only for a second. He was like Ulquiorra, in a way. He had emotions, yet managed to hide them. Except Aizen hid it with smugness.

"We have kidnapped you, and you wish to pay us back. What a strange girl."

She could feel her face burn. "Not for that! Ulquiorra-san has been really nice to me."

"...How so?"

Happiness bubbled up at her at being able to actually answer with assurance. "He let me make my own food, listens to me when I need to talk, let me hug him when I was feeling sad and lonely, and takes me for walks around Las Noches!" She grinned. "And he showed me the garden room."

"Really?" Incredulity. "Ulquiorra did all this?"

Oops. Was this supposed to be a secret? "Um... yes?"

A pause. "How... surprising. I agree to your proposal. I'll send someone to help you in the kitchen and attain what you need."

"How many people are there that I should make things for?"

"Well, the ten espada, and then as many more as you want."

_**

* * *

**_

When Ulquiorra woke up that morning, he was already in his schedule-routine mindset. So when he stepped out of bed, spotting a basket by his bedroom door, he was confused. Picking it up, he examined the strange thing. It overflowed with Orihime's reiatsu.

Within a green basket were what looked like real, three dimensional rabbits. Things in the shape of eggs were wrapped, a few plastic eggs visible. What was this? He'd bring it to Inoue and ask her.

Leaving his room, green basket in hand, he saw Grimmjow leaning against the wall. Orihime's reiatsu and a rare amount of curiosity had kept Ulquiorra from sensing the sixth. He then noticed the stick protruding from Grimmjow's mouth.

"Hey, Ulquiorra, you got a basket too?" Grimmjow had removed the thing from his mouth to speak. On the end of the stick was something blue and round. "You get a sucker too?"

"...Excuse me?" Had Grimmjow just called him a sucker?

The sixth rolled his eyes. "Idiot. That's what this thing is." For emphasis, he shook the _sucker_.

Ulquiorra decided not to respond. Apparently he wasn't the only one who had gotten a mysterious gift. But then he noticed something on the floor by Grimmjow's feet... "Grimmjow."

"Hmm?" Said with a lollypop still in his mouth.

"Do cats lay eggs?"

Grimmjow seemed to choke, face turning red. "Wh-what?"

"Do cats lay eggs?" He repeated it more firmly.

"You really are an idiot. Of course they don't."

Ulquiorra stared pointedly at Grimmjow's feet. The teal-haired espada followed the line of sight, raising a brow at the blue egg. Picking it up, he noticably sniffed it. "Smells like chocolate." Realization kicked in. "You... you thought... I laid this?"

"It seemed the likely answer."

"Likely? First of all, cats don't lay eggs. Second... even if they did, I'm _male_."

Ulquiorra frowned. He was aware of such a thing. But... did that mean that all his time with Grimmjow wasn't going to result in a child? "Are you sure males can't give birth?"

Now Grimmjow seemed flustered. Ulquiorra found his confusion rising. "Positive, Ulquiorra. Are you saying that you were trying to... all this time, trying to..."

"Impregnate you? It had crossed my mind." Was it so far fetched? Why couldn't it work?

Grimmjow shook his head. "You're messed up."

Ulquiorra cringed, for once in his life, as Grimmjow cracked the egg open. Why was the baby brown and shaped like a rabbit? "Rabbits are born from eggs? Put it back together so it can grow some more. It's unhealthy."

Grimmjow raised a brow, taking a bite out of the rabbit. "Moron. It's just chocolate. And you're a hollow. What do you care?"

"Animal souls don't supply proper nutrients, so it would be pointless to kill it." And he had a strange soft spot for rabbits. Maybe he had owned one in his past life. But Grimmjow didn't need to know that.

"It's not alive. Get that through your thick, helmeted skull."

"That is because you bit it."

A voice broke through the argument with ease. "Whatcha babblin' on about?"

Ulquiorra found slight relief. It may have only been Nnoitra, but perhaps he would explain why Grimmjow was eating underdeveloped rabbits. "Did you know that rabbits are born in eggs?"

Nnoitra looked confused, never one to mask his emotions. "What the hell're you goin' on about? They're born like humans."

"Grimmjow just cracked an egg open and ate a baby rabbit from it."

"..." Nnoitra seemed to be trying to gather the right words. "There're eggs all over the place. They're all made of plastic, so nothing inside of them is alive."

"...Really?"

"Either that or Ichimaru is right, and the eggs are all from Grimmjow."

"_What_? I'm gonna kill that damn shinigami!" Grimmjow disappeared with sonido.

Ulquiorra noticed that there was something in Nnoitra's hands. "What are you holding?"

"Hm? Oh, weird bean things. Came in my basket. Surprisingly good."

_**

* * *

**_

Ulquiorra entered Orihime's room with caution, just this once, making sure to shut the door after him. She was sitting on her bed, munching on a brown egg.

"I didn't know you ate living creatures."

She jumped, as if not expecting him to be there. "Ah! Ulquiorra-san!" She looked at the egg in her hands. "This isn't alive."

"Because you ate it?"

"No, silly. Because it's artificial and chocolate! Candy!" Her eyes seemed to go past Ulquiorra, but he soon realized she was looking at the basket in his hands. "You didn't open it?"

"I don't see what purpose a basket will serve."

Orihime frowned, before her face was alight with a smile once more. "Come here and I'll show you!"

Curiosity getting the best of him, he sat beside her on the bed. Her face turned a light pink, something Ulquiorra could never figure out. She took the basket from him, ripping off the plastic. Then she picked up one of the rabbits. Ulquiorra felt appalled as she peeled off its skin. "Why are you killing it?"

"I'm not," she clarified. "I made it. It was never alive."

"Aizen-sama made me into an arrancar..."

She raised a brow. "But you were already existing. And you have a soul. _This_," she said, handing the rabbit to him, "is man-made candy. A snack that isn't alive."

Despite himself, locking eyes with encouraging gray, he took a bite. An explosion of chocolatey goodness assaulted his taste buds, eyes falling shut to amplify the sugary taste that much more. Blindly, he took another bite. Something gooey but just as delicious was tasted. Swallowing, he looked back at Orihime's waiting, excited features. What was this treat, that it even appealed to his hollow taste buds? "What is this?"

"Chocolate with mint filling!"

He unwrapped another rabbit, taking a bite. That seemed to be answer enough for her. The flavor coated his tongue...

He promptly spit it out, looking at what was left of the candy. "What is this?" This time, it was said with horror.

She seemed oblivious to the chewed chocolate now on her face, eyes wide with hurt. "Dark chocolate with brocolli filling." Ulquiorra wasn't usually easy to read, but at the moment his disgust was apparent. He chose a lolly pop, standing up and leaving the basket on the bed. He seemed to have had something to say, but had chose against speaking it, leaving the room in silence.

She hoped he would at least enjoy the butterscotch and pickle lolly he had deemed safe.

_**

* * *

**_

Grimmjow looked idly into his tea, ignoring the mindless droning of his leader. He could pester Ulquiorra for what had been said later. He glanced up at said espada, directly across from him at the meeting room table. He glanced back at the random swirling of his tea, before doing a double take. Not at the more-pale-than-usually fourth, but the person beside Ulquiorra. Stark. Awake.

The usually-asleep arrancar was staring at Aizen with rapt attention. Grimmjow followed Stark's line of sight.

At first, he saw nothing. The only strange thing was Aizen's silence. Had someone finally found the off switch? But, no, there was something strange happening... What was that white stuff, like hair but more soft in appearance, doing on the shinigami?

_It's fur, _his brain supplied, and he noted that it _was _fur. He was just having a hard time processing fur covering Aizen. Or the nose that was looking more pink and buttony, and the slightly-bent ears atop brown hair. No, brown fur. Human features had been replaced by the soft, cute visage of a bunny. A _giant _bunny.

All eyes instantly went to Szayel. The scientist looked equally surprised, but who would trust it as sincere?

"Hey, Aizen-sama's not looking so well!" Yammy's redundant words echoed throughout the hall.

Tousen stepped out from a shadow, seeming to be facing his superior. His blindness seemed to be a downside, because he merely went back to the shadows.

Whispering immediately started up, as the espada waited for Aizen's next move. Some were calling out, "Bunny-sama?"

Aizen-Bunny blinked, ears twitching. A loud _thump _sounded as Aizen lept from his chair, landing on the center of the table. His adorable head turned from side to, button brown eyes taking in the espada with seeming fear. It made a strange screeching sound, before abruptly hopping from the table. Yammy screamed, flinging himself out of his seat to avoid being crushed by the great Aizen-Bunny.

Aizen-Bunny looked around, before lifting a leg and lowering his head, licking at himself. Grimmjow grimaced at the gross display. He went to turn his head away, pausing at the sight of Szayel approaching the leader. Golden eyes appeared curious and analytical, as a pale, pink-nailed hand ran down a furry side. Aizen-Bunny lifted his head, his puffy white tail coming back in sight with the change in position. He tilted his head, perhaps in joy...

...and promptly growled, two long, rectangular fangs digging into Szayel's hand. The arrancar cried out, as he yanked his hand from Aizen-Bunny's mouth. He was missing a finger, and Aizen-Bunny was swallowing something. The shinigami settled down, purring after his 'meal'. Szayel calmed down within an instant, curiosity returned. Grimmjow figured the creep had a way to make his finger grow back. Or maybe he would pay a visit to Orihime.

A bright flash filled the hall, burning a black square into the espadas' eye balls. Grimmjow blinked, making out the form of Ichimaru Gin. His grin seemed impossibly wide, nearly separating his face in half. He had something square in his hand, cheerully tucking it into a pocket somewhere on his outfit. "Glad yer gettin' into the holiday spirit, Aizen-sama," said Ichimaru, voice sing-songy. He gave the rabbit a playful pat on the head. Aizen-Bunny growled, head jerking towards his shinigami follower. Ichimaru was instantly five feet away from his leader, still wearing that face-splitting grin. He pressed a button on his cube-shaped object, this time without causing a flash.

_**

* * *

**_

Szayel stared with wonder at the creature. He _had _created a mixture that would turn whoever ingested it into a rabbit(one of many animal potions he was making), but it wasn't ready to be tested. And even if it had been, he wasn't a fool. He would never test it on Aizen-sama.

Ignoring his lack of a finger- for surely ingestion of one of his fraccion would remedy this inconvenience- Szayel took notes. He may have not been responsible for the strange occurrence, but he was by no means going to let the opportunity pass him by.

_Vicious_. That was one thing he made sure to write down. He wasn't positive, but he was pretty sure rabbits weren't vicious, human-eating beasts.

Though, at the moment, Aizen-sama didn't _look _vicious. Whiskers twitched as he licked his fluffy white paw.

If the potion had been finished, it should have worn off within three hours. As it was, Szayel was unsure of how long it would take, or if it even would wear off.

"What the hell'd you do to Aizen-sama?"

Szayel glared at Nnoitra for disrupting his important observation. "I didn't do a thing. Someone must have stolen a potion from my lab and slipped it into Aizen-sama's tea."

"Really?" Nnoitra was clearly skeptic. Szayel found his note pad gone from his grasp, now within Nnoitra's hold. Instinctively, thoughtlessly, he made a grab for it. His attempts were hopeless. Nnoitra, both above Szayel in rank and a lot taller, easily kept it out of reach. "It's amusing, but we can't win a war with a squirrel leading us."

"Rabbit," Szayel corrected. "The potion wasn't ready for experimentation. I can't say for sure if it will wear off."

The fifth leaned threateningly over Szayel, using his height as a means of intimidation. All Szayel felt was a strong urge to bite the arrancar, and not at all in the same way Aizen-sama had bit the scientist. Nnoitra placed a hand on each of Szayel's shoulders, letting his reiatsu flare. "Fix i-mph!"

Szayel released Nnoitra's bottom lip from his teeth, feeling suddenly hot, mind fuzzy. Obviously he had to do something about it, to clear his mind so he could work more efficiently... _Yes, it's purely for scientific efficiency on my part_.

"Tha' won't work. I learned last time," Nnoitra insisted. "We haveta fix Aizen."

"Of course," Szayel said, managing to sound like his usual sciency self. He couldn't stop his skin from flushing as he thought of ways to seduce the other espada, when he had him in a more... controllable environment. "I'll have to go to my lab. Perhaps I'll make time to find a cure-"

"Perhaps?" Nnoitra scoffed after saying this. "I'm going with you. No way you're just going to mess around with your equipment."

Szayel suppressed a smirk. Nnoitra may have been more strong than Szayel, but that didn't make him more intelligent.

His observations of Aizen could wait.

~_**Ulquiorra 1st Person POV**_~

I approached my leader with light steps, so as not to startle him. Aizen-sama bared his two huge upper teeth threateningly. I held the object I had acquired up so he could view it, ignoring Grimmjow's pointless words. Something about staying away from, "...that monstrous beast." Aizen-sama's snarl faded, pink button-nose twitching as he hopped closer to me. His mouth opened once more. This time, the giant teeth took a chunk out of the carrot in my hand. I had gotten it from the kitchen, told Orihime had used a few in some of the basket-foods.

Aizen-sama took the rest of the carrot from my right hand, before ducking his head. I tilted my own, trying to figure out the purpose behind such an action. Was it some rabbit ritual, representing positive emotions in regard to food? I didn't think so, but-

"He wants you to pet his head or something," Grimmjow informed. For some reason, he was snickering. I dismissed his strange behavior. Such was common of him.

"Aizen-sama requires no such thing," I said in response. The mere thought was foolish at best.

There was the sound of a snap. I glanced over my shoulder, catching sight of Ichimaru Gin. He seemed suspiciously giddy, almost prancing as he walked, motions over-animated. "What's in your hands?" I asked.

He lifted the cubic device up so I could better view it. "'s called a camera. Takes pictures of things."

I wasn't positive of what he meant, but figured it to be similar to the abilities of my eye ball when I crushed it.

An annoyed sound broke through my curiosity. Big brown eyes looked up, blinking. Aizen-sama nuzzled my hand with a slightly-damp nose. I pulled back from my leader. He followed. I'm unsure how long this went on, but it seemed I was walking around the room with him hopping after me. Usually I would put a stop to such behavior directed towards me, but I felt it wrong to do so to my leader.

Still, I refused to take part in any rubbing with the giant rabbit. I knew from experience that simple touches could escalate. At least with Grimmjow. I wasn't willing to risk it with a rabbit of all beings. Usually Grimmjow was excellent at keeping me from accidental touches with others, but this time all he did was laugh and guffaw at me, clutching his sides as if they were trying to run from him. The oddness of this caused me to pause. Could one's sides detach and run away? Would they need to be caught and reattached, or could Orihime 'reject' them back?

I flinched, unsuspecting of the soft brush of fur against my arm. Aizen-sama had caught up to me. "I refuse to touch you," I announced. Aizen-sama made a strange whining sound. It was baffling to hear it from my leader. His legs bent, as he clearly planned on getting closer to me.

The world spun, the ground slamming into me- No, I slammed into the ground. I watched as Szayel injected Aizen-sama with something, taking in the dissheveled appearance of the fifth. His shirt appeared to be inside out.

I returned to my feet, glancing behind me at the sound of footsteps. Nnoitra was strolling through the door to the dining/meeting hall, more relaxed than I had ever seen him. Aside from that one time, a week ago. He had been near Szayel at the time then, too.

I shifted my gaze to Aizen-sama, taking in the sudden transformation. Fur receeded, features becoming less round and more sharp. Long, bent legs turned into those of a man, teeth shrinking and multiplying within my leader's mouth. I felt a tug on my wrist, and realized Grimmjow was speaking to me.

"Hurry up, Ulquiorra. He's almost normal, n' I don't wanna deal with his wrath."

I followed him out of the hall, mostly because I knew he would result to ceros otherwise, and I didn't want to wreck Aizen-sama's meeting hall again. I chanced a quick glance over my shoulder. Aizen had turned slightly, leaving me with a view of a white, fluffy tail. It didn't appear to be receeding, staying in place. Did all shinigami have one? Perhaps it hadn't been part of the rabbit, after all.

* * *

_**A.N:** If you couldn't figure it out, Ichimaru had stolen the 'vial' or potion, whatever you wanna call it. That's why he just randomly walked in with a camera. He had been waiting for it. And he had injected Aizen-sama with a potion shortly before the meeting. It was easy. After all, Ichimaru had been 'distracing' Aizen... O.o_

_Hmm... I hope this wasn't lacking. Reviews? Opinions, thoughts, advice, and encouragements are appreciated. :D  
_


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